As a Marriage and Family Therapist, this is one of the most common complaints I here from couples at the start of therapy. I think the real problem is not that people can’t communicate – I think we communicate all the time! After all, someone (and I don’t remember who) said “we cannot NOT communicate.” We are communicating something all the time, although it may not be exactly what we want. We are sending messages via body language, looks, sighs, etc.

I think the real problem is that we don’t listen! Converstaions between partners often times are more like debates – point/counterpoint. No one really listens to the other’s words because we are too busy in our minds contructing our reply (retort, position, opinion).

I’ve heard it said “we were given two ears and one mouth because we should be listening twice as much as we are talking”. Check it out – see if you are really getting what your partner is trying to tell you.